I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
sarcasm needs its own font
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
