i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
