I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
