I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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