Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
