New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
