I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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