i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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