either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
