I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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