Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
