tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize