she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
