you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
