Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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