im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
