Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
