You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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