I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
