ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
