Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
