the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
