Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
