My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize