we're blogging at a bar
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
