Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
