Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize