I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
