I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just gift wrapped bread.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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