She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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