Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
