I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
