I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
