so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize