so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
