I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
