I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
