Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
