now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize