I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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