thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
