we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
