how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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