anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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