Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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