I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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