True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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