Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
