separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
