oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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