This is not my ceiling
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
