I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
