Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize