Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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