take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
