they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
