I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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