So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Sorry about my life...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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