if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
