There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Who put my cat in the fridge?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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