I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
