i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
