We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I wear drunk well.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize