god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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