We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
