her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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