I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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