I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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