I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
