I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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