if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
