Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
