I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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