we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
