Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
