just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
