I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
