I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
