So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
